I promised once I got my hands on my new macbook, I would try my best to write consistently. Writing; that's the only platform where I can truly express what I really feel. There are people who have asked and wondered. It has been an issue that have been bugging me at times. I usually just give a passing remark, but maybe it's time to state it down.
Being partly in this field of modelling and pageants (HSS, MSBP, MAPW) , isn't all about glamour and fancy stuff. No, it isn't as easy and fun as what it looks like. People don't understand. I wish they could put themselves in these shoes. It has its pains and sacrifices that I've got to bear, every industry has. They don't see the things we go through behind the scenes. It's not about fun ALL THE TIME, I'm put in fixes too, but it's about doing your job. It's not easy, there's hard work.
When you gain some, you lose some. Yes, I've gained enriching journeys, but I've lost quality time with my loved ones too. The worst is to let the people you love end up feeling insecure, just because of the unwanted attention you get. There are events to attend at times, but what's fun, when you know you've lost your loved one over work? I'm not saying that having all these events ain't fun, in fact they are but not when you feel like you're losing people close to you. Nonetheless, I'm very thankful to be given opportunities to be part of events for it showed me the world even more, and who stays.
Hey c'mon there's so many professional models, bloggers, wannabes out there, and I don't even see myself being anywhere close there. I may be up climbing this ladder, but I'm not even anywhere close to being up there on the chart, yet I still gotta watch my back and my image. In all honesty, it's rather tiring. Especially when such events/ work, are rare nowadays.
With these much unneeded 'fame', comes along with criticisms. Call me oblivious, say that I'm lack of environmental awareness, (that's what some people say) I don't get how these fame came about. Or at least how my name got hooked onto the lips of humans. I don't even promote myself (lol)? I don't even take selfies, I'm bad at it. There's nothing wrong with taking selfies or pretty pictures, go ahead if you love too, it's amazing to see people embracing their beautiful selves (:
However, there are restrictions too. I gotta think twice. People's watching, tongues are wagging. Expectations have to be met, image have to be kept, most importantly the opinions and feelings of people that matter are gonna matter as well. If anything, the happiness and everything about the people I love, family & friends is my priority too. There are sacrifices I've made, decisions I've to take, actions I've to take, things to cut, just so to protect people I hold dearly.
With God, there comes the Devil. Probably overtime, I would have learnt to take remarks both good/ bad in my stride and work it for the good of my own. However, people gotta get their facts right before letting their saliva fly everywhere. Yes, I may have a resting bitch face/ mysterious haughty aura, but as long as I'm well aware that that isn't what my character is and what I wear doesn't define me, whatever I'm doing or saying isn't against my conscience, then there's no right for people to assume who I really am without even knowing me proper. I really HATE it when people make assumptions about anything. Someone once told me, 'people talk about you, cause they can't be you.' I'm not saying that I'm perfect, I have my own flaws too, and I'll change.
It's competitive in here, you just gotta know if it's worth fighting if you're gonna end up losing who you truly are. Disclaimer: I'm not saying that such people end up in this state. Healthy competition is good, it makes you wanna be better. As long as, I'm down with the right morals, doing the right things. Be the bigger man and just be true to yourself (:
What I'm trying to say in summary is that, I just want my (uni) friends to know me for who I really am, and not just judge superficially and jumping into conclusions.
0 day to quiz, 9 days to quiz, 19 days to finals, 22 days for 19, 30 days more till leaving.
Where has all the time gone to?